A ROUGH DRAFT
Now that it's summer, I can finally return from an extensive blog hiatus. I've lit a candle and am sitting in bed with an oversized Patriots T-shirt and a neglected writing itch...Let’s get real.
Big things have happened lately; I turned twenty and am now officially halfway through college. And for the first time in my life, I feel old.
As exciting as entering the twenty-something period is, it's also...complicated. Frankly, it's been a slap in the face. My tendency to over-think and over-analyze my life has been amped up to 100. But despite the sleepless nights, my constant self-reflection has turned out to be beneficial...
I think back to the times I've fallen down, picked up the pieces, and gotten back up and I'm reminded of the unfathomable amount of living and learning that's brought me to this point. And to think... I've only seen a glimpse of it all. There's still so much that lies ahead.
This past year, I've toiled with an inner journey that's often made me question who I am and what I'm doing. For a moment, I thought I was alone in feeling this way. Yet, much to my surprise, it's not unlike what others (especially those of my age) have also experienced...
Our minds exist in a permanent state of paradox. We say we're afraid of change when really, it's what we crave. We're at a constant tug-of-war between the fear of being too much and not enough. Is this cool enough? Does it look I'm trying too hard? These are the questions we often ask ourselves.
We tend to look at others around us and ask: When is it going to be me?- When am I going to figure out what I really want to do with my life? When am I going to meet someone that I fall head over heels for? When am I going to stop constantly comparing myself to others?
But, comparing ourselves to others isn't always a bad thing; it can serve as ammunition for our own dreams and inspire us to grow. The problem emerges when we use the achievements of others to tear ourselves down. We can't let envy, sadness, or frustration blind us from the light that is yet to come. We need to buckle down, wipe the tears, and keep pushing.
As challenging as this journey has been, it's given me some important realizations. I opened myself up to other professional possibilities and declared Film and Media Studies as my double major with Communication. I made my passion for writing tangible- first with a blog and then, with an internship that has allowed me to contribute my voice to Her Campus: a national online magazine devoted to female empowerment through the stories and perspectives of college women. I've started to get a better grasp of what I want to do and who I want to be.
Ironically, I've also felt more unsure about the future than ever before. But I think that's okay. It's the questioning, the tears, the doubts, the fears that remind us of what we want to achieve. It's the low points that tell us what we don't want to do; who we don't want to be.
My fear of failure has made the future even more tangible and it's pushed me to realize that whatever I do, I want to do the best I can; I want to be the best I can be. I don't want mediocre. I want greatness. I want to push myself to be everything and more.
Admittedly, it's easy to let uncertainty about the future and what other people our age are doing convince us that we're falling behind. We may question, disbelieve, or consider giving up. But we have the power to come back stronger. We have to remind ourselves that eventually, we'll get to where we want to be.
Fortunately, we don't need to have everything figured out right now. This chapter in our lives doesn't have to be perfectly typed out and edited; it isn't the finalized version. It's only the rough draft.
**IMAGES VIA TUMBLR**
